Prank Calls
by xXxThe Phantom's RosexXx
Summary: Marky is bored and convinced Roger to help him prank-call the girls. Now they are out for revenge!
1. Chapter 1

_**Prank-Calls**_

_**Author's Note: RENT doesn't belong to me in any way, shape, or form. **_

_**Summary: Marky is bored and convinced Roger to help him prank-call the girls. Now they are out for revenge!**_

_**Warning: Language and the fact that this is a total crack-fic.**_

_**Ratings: Kt - T**_

"I'm bored."

"Good for you."

"I'm bored."

"Good for you."

"I'm bored."

"Mark! I swear to God, I am going to throw you off this damn balcony if you don't shut the hell up!" Roger glared at his best friend over the top of his Rolling Stone magazine. Mark pouted.

"I can't help it! Mimi and Maureen and Joanne and Angel are having a slumber party and Collins went off to get beer, and you're reading and I'm bored."

"You won't be in about ten minutes when you're bandaging your wounds."

"Whatever, Mr. Grouchy Pants," Mark rolled his eyes, earning himself a death-glare from his best friend.

"Fine!" Roger threw down the magazine, "What do YOU suggest we do then, huh?"

"I say we prank-call the girls!"

"What are you, _twelve_?"

"No," Mark's brow furrowed in confusion, "Why do you ask?"

"Because you're acting like a teenage girl...more so than you usually do."

"You're just a party-pooper!"

"No, I just have better things to do than prank-call the girls. Look, I have some magazines under my bed. I give you my permission to take a few and..._entertain _yourself. Just please, shut up, and go away!"

"But it'd be funny!"

"You're a moron."

"I'm hungry."

"Then go eat something then, preferably, your own fist."

Mark scowled, got up, and went to the kitchen. He returned with a box of Cheese Puffs.

_CRUNCH._

_CRUNCH._

_CRUNCH._

"MARK!"

"What?"

"Stop it!"

"What? I'm just eating..."

"No, you're crunching! And it is freakin' annoying!"

"So I can't prank-call the girls and I can't eat? Geesh, you're a suckie roommate. SUCKIE DUCKIE! SUCKIE DUCKIE! SUCKIE DUCKIE."

"Man, you're all kinds of mental, aren't you? I'm locking my bedroom door from now on."

"Pwease?"

"_Pwease what?_" Roger asked, knowing he was going to regret his words.

"Pwease prank-call the girls with me."

"Will it get you to shut up?"

"Mmhmm!"

"Alright, fine," Roger finally gave in, "Go get the phone."

Mark brought the phone over to the couch and sat down next to Roger, cross-legged.

"Do you want to talk or should I?"

"You."

"Fine."

Mark dialed the number of Maureen and Joanne's appartment.

"Hello?"

"Excuse me ma'am...I just wanted to ask you if you're nose is running."

"The hell?"

"Is it?"

"_Who is this?_"

"Is your nose running?"

"Well...now that you mention it..."

"THEN YOU BETTER GO GET A KLEENEX! _BOW-CHICA-BOW-WOW!_"

"The hell..."

Mark slammed the phone down.

"HA! How epic was that?"

"If you mean epic as in _epic fail_, then yes," Roger nodded, "it was."

"Then you do it better!"

"I will!"

Roger grabbed the phone and dialed the number.

"Bitch, I swear..."

"Hello?"

"Hello? Is this the guy that just called? If so, I have a few words for him..." Roger recognized the voice as belonging to Angel.

"I don't know what you are talking about, ma'am," Roger smirked, he had to admit, this was fun, "I just wanted to call and tell you that...I'M NOT GONNA PAY...I'M NOT GONNA PAY...LAST YEAR'S RENT, THIS YEAR'S RENT...NEXT YEAR'S RENT...RENT, RENT, RENT, RENT, RENT..._BOO-YA!_"

Roger slammed the phone down.

"You are _AWESOME_!" Mark raised his hand in an offering of a high-five.

"_Don't_ touch me."

"Okay then," Mark awkwardly put his hand down, "That was so cool."

"I guess so."

"Admit it - you liked it."

"Fine," Roger rolled his eyes, "I liked it."

"Good! I'm going to call again. This time I will pretend I am from a Chinese food place."

"Good for you."

"Watch this."

Mark dialed the number.

"Hello?"

"Look you little..."

"Did you recently order take-out?"

"Yes, we did actually. Who is this?"

"This is Yu Stin Ki Puh from Fa Kin Su Pah Noodles and Rice."

"You're an idiot. Who _is _this?"

_"Lemme see the phone."_

"Mimi...don't be rash..."

_"Shut up, Joanne! _WHO THE HELL IS THIS?"

"Yu Stin Ki Puh..."

"I SWEAR IF THIS IS MARK I AM GOING TO GO FLIPPING' APE..."

"I no know who this _Ma-ka_ is, but I Yu Stin Ki Puh from Fa Kin..."

"I will show you _Fa Kin_...I will show you _Fa Kin pain_ when I get my hands on you."

Mark thought now would be a good time to hang up.

"Yu Stin Ki Puh?" Roger raised an eyebrow.

"Google 'LEARN CHINESE IN FIVE MINUTES.'"

"Google? Dude, this is 1989. Google hasn't been created yet. And if it has, we're broke. We don't own a computer. Besides, computers go against ourBohemian lifestyle and our anti-corporate America..."

"Whatever! Look, just go along with it for the sake of the story!"

"Works for me."

"They are going to kill us, you know."

"Nope," Roger put his feet up on the coffee table, "They will kill _you_. I can deny everything."

"You...you can't! What if they want payback?"

"They don't suspect who it is, do they?" Roger asked.

"Yeah, I think they do."

"_Crap_."

"What are you doing?"

"Let's blow this Popsicle stand!"

"We can't go anywhere! This is our loft!"

"You're right. We WILL stand our ground. We can't let a bunch of _girls _scare us off."

"Right. Not even Maureen or Mimi or worse..._ANGEL_!"

"AHHHHHH!" Both boys screamed in terror.

--

"Oh they are so dead," Maureen rubbed her hands together excitedly.

"What are we going to do?" Joanne asked nervously, "Why don't we just let it go - you know, be more mature..."

"_Mature_?" Mimi scoffed, "Jo, this is _us _here, we aren't going to be mature."

"We aren't?" Joanne asked nervously.

"Nope," Angel giggled, "We're going to get even!"

"Those boys have no idea who they messed with!"

**_TO BE CONTINUED..._**


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

"So...what's the plan?" Maureen asked, as they gathered around the coffee table.

"Hmm..." Angel began to nibble on her blue thumb nail, "Well...we could - no, that's illegal...hmm...we could try - no, that's too mean...um...we could - wait, no, that wouldn't work."

"Well we have to come up with something good," Mimi grinned evilly, "Something that will make them pay!"

"Honestly," Joanne rolled her eyes, "How much more immature can they be? Prank calling our slumber party? This isn't forth grade, here."

"Well," Mimi shrugged, "It IS Mark and Roger."

"But mostly Mark," Maureen pointed out, "I just KNOW it was Mark."

"And he probably dragged Roger into it," Mimi tried to sound reasoning, but only received angered looks from her friends, "Fine! So maybe he was in on it too."

"We need a plan. What exactly do we want to do to them to make them pay?"

"Collins went to go get beer," Angel suggested, "Maybe we can get him in on this whole thing. Maybe...yes! That's it!"

"What? Tell us?"

"I will go to the corner store, meet up with Collins, and get him to coax Mark and Roger out of their loft. They can...go to the Life or something! Then, while they're gone, we can sneak in using Collins' key, and do a little...redecorating."

"Redecorating?" Joanne's brow furrowed.

"Mmhmm. One of my favorite stores is open late. We can buy a whole bunch of stuff, pillows, blankets, boas, glitter, and just...glamify the whole place!"

"Make it look like a drag-tornado burst through! I like it!" Maureen high-fived Angel.

"Come on girls," Mimi's eyes were sparkling mischeviously, "Let's get crackin'!"

--

"Roger...I'm scared."

"Of what?"

"You know what."

"It's just the girls. What are they going to do, huh? Seriously Mark, take a chill pill. You're the one that wanted to prank call them in the first place, Mr. Yu Stinki Puh..."

"Oh shut up," Mark glowered, crossing his arms over his chest, "I just don't like it. It's too...quite."

"Mark, it's New York, it's never quite."

"I just feel like the girls are plotting something."

"You're paranoid. Why don't you just go relax and calm down."

"Calm down? How can you expect me to clam down? Angel, Mimi, Joanne, and Maureen have death-warrents out for us and you expect me to CALM DOWN?!?"

Roger peered over his magazine suspiciously at Mark.

"I want my Mommy!"

"You hate your mommy. Besides, asking for your mommy - dude, that's so not rock and roll."

--

Angel skipped down the liquor isle of the store. She found Collins, his basket filled with bottles of Absolute.

"Hey, lover."

"Angel, what are you doing here?" Collins brightened, "Aren't you missing your slumber party?"

"Well...we have a little mission for you, sweetie. You see, Mark and Roger kept prank calling us..."

"Whoa, they did what now?"

"Prank called us."

"How old are they? Twelve?"

"I think so," Angel continued, "Anyways, we want to get back at them. Can you maybe get them out of the loft for a bit, take them to the Life or something?"

"Sure, I can try. What's up your sleeve, Angel?"

"Oh, nothing."

"I don't like that smile. That's a, I'm-up-to-something-smile and I don't like it one bit."

"Honey," Angel pouted, "for me?"

"Fine," Collins gave it, "I can buy you about two hours, tops. That's it."

"Thanks sweetie, love you!"

"Uh-huh," Collins watched her go, wondering what she could possibly have planned, and silently hoping he wouldn't have to be involved.

It was just drinks. He would take them for fries and drinks. Mark and Roger would never know he had been a part of Angel's little scheme, right? Of course not.

Ha, who was he kidding?

--

"Ooh, good choice, pookie!" Maureen kissed Joanne on the cheek, "Get lots of glitter - pink and silver glitter! Oh, and boas! We need lots and lots of boas!"

"Don't forget perfume," Angel giggled, "And soy-candles."

"Also lipstick," Mimi grabbed some of the costume make-up from a shelf, "And look! Pink fluzzy pillows! Let's get a ton of those!"

"How are we going to pay for all this?" Maureen suddenly asked.

"Kapow!" Angel whipped a wad of cash from her fluffy, purple handbag.

"Ange..."

"Don't worry, no dogs were harmed in the obtainment of this money," she giggled, "Let's go! I think we have everything."

After paying out, and receiving some odd looks from the clerk, the girls headed towards the Loft, laughing all the way.

"This is going to be awesome!"

--

"Thanks for the drinks, man," Mark held up his bottle of beer, "Really."

"Don't mention it," Collins said, thinking to himself - seriously, don't.

"We should do this more often," Roger took a swig of his drink, "The girls get to have girls' nights. Who is to say we can't have guy nights?"

"True that!" Mark raised his bottle in a toast.

"Dude," Roger shook his head, "say that again and I am so disowning you."

"You can't disown me! You love me."

"And you love your Budweiser," Roger rolled his eyes, "I think you've had enough."

"But beer is yummy!"

"Ookay," Roger pried the bottle from Mark's hands, "Collins, I think we should get back before Sir Drinks-a-lot over here goes into a coma."

"But drinking...fun!"

"Yeah," Collins agreed, "Let's go."

As they left the restaurant, Collins glanced up at the clock. They had been gone a little over an hour. Hopefully the girls were done with whatever they were doing.

--

"Let's go!" Mimi hissed, "they'll be back soon!"

"Hold on, Meems," Angel said, sprinkling some more glitter on the floor, "Okay, NOW we can go."

"They are going to kill us," Joanne laughed, surveying the damage they had done.

"Oh what are they going to do about it?" Mimi asked, "Nothing, that's what they'll do about it."

"Come on!" Maureen grabbed her purse, "We have to hurry."

"Okay, okay. Sheesh, don't push me," Joanne hissed.

"Well if you'd walk faster, pookie."

"Don't tell me what to do."

"Guys, chill!" Mimi rolled her eyes, "Come on, let's go."

They quickly left the loft, and their mess behind, and headed back to the slumber party. Once they were safe, behind a locked door, they all let out a cackle of side-splitting laughter.

"Oh that was awesome!"

"Angel, your idea was perfecto!"

"Thanks, chica. I say their loft looks a lot better since we added our little touches to it, don't you?"

--

Mark, Roger, and Collins climbed up the stairs to the loft. Roger went to unlock the door and gasped at what he saw.

Hot pink streamers were thrown and dangling down from the pipes, glitter was all over the floor, table tops, and furniture, hot pink pillows with glitter and fuzzy fabrics lines every inch of the couch, the chairs, the counters. Candles that smelled like cotton-candy were lit on the table, and the whole place smelled as though it had been doused in some cheap, sugary, perfume.

"They didn't!"

"Who? Oh my God..." Mark stumbled in through the door.

"Wow," was all Collins could say.

"Look at this place!" Roger looked like he was about to have a conniption fit.

"Dude, your forehead vein is like...WOW!" Mark pointed at Roger's head, earning himself a slap to the hand.

"Don't touch me! This is your fault! If _you _hadn't pranked the girls, none of this would have happened. You're cleaning this up!"

"I am not cleaning anything up. It's not my mess."

"You're the reason it's like this!"

"Oh yeah, so I am the one that covered the loft in glitter, pink streamers, pink pillows, pink candles, pink...okay, what the _hell _is that?"

Roger followed where Mark was pointing to and noticed the pink bubbles spilling from the sink.

"Oh that's it. They are sooo dead."

"What are you going to do?" Collins asked.

"Payback."

"Isn't that how this whole mess started?" He asked, "With pranks and payback?"

"So?" Roger kicked one of the piles of glitter out of his way, "This. Is. War."


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three**

"So, what's the plan?" Mark asked, picking a pink boa off of the table, and holding it gingerly between to fingers.

"We are going to annihilate."

"Roger," Collins interrupted, "Don't be too hard on them..."

"Hey, my girlfriend's in this too," Roger reminded him, "I don't care about being soft, look what they did to the loft! They...they destroyed it!"

"It's nothing that can't be cleaned up."

"Wait a sec," Mark held up an accusing finger, "YOU dragged us to the Life, YOU kept us there for about an hour. Why? Why would you, after going and buying drinks at the store, pay for us to go to the Life? Unless YOU were in on this whole scheme too!"

"Mark has a point," Roger agreed.

"AH-HA! So you agree with me, huh?"

"Don't push your luck," Roger glared at his friend, "Now Collins, you failed to mention to us how the whole trip to the store went. Did you see anyone you knew? Perhaps...Angel?"

"N-no," Collins blushed, "I got the beer, the Absolute, and came back."

"Uh-huh...so you weren't persuaded by anyone to take us out to the Life and get us away from the Loft?"

"No, of course not. Look, I-I got to go um...get...bread! That's it, I'll go and get bread! See ya!"

Collins charged to the door, leaving Mark and Roger behind in the pink, sparkly, fuzzy mess.

"Can you believe that?" Roger rolled his eyes, tossing a pink fluffy pillow onto the floor, "I mean really! We're his best friends! I can't believe he would go behind our backs like that."

"Angel can be very...persuasive," Mark reminded him, "Besides, maybe he didn't know their plan. Forget Collins, we have bigger fish to fry..."

"Wow."

"What?"

"I don't think I've heard that term since my grandpa back in '73."

"Shut up. Look, we have to figure out how we can get even. Those girls are going to have to pay for what they did!"

"I got it!"

"Got what?"

"What's Angel's favorite thing in the entire world?"

"Collins."

"No."

"Her drums?"

"No."

"Vodka?"

"No."

"Glitter?"

"No....fine! So maybe it isn't her FAVORITE thing in the world, but it's still close."

"Well what is it?" Mark was growing impatient.

"Her makeup."

"You want to steal her makeup?"

"Yup."

"Dude...so not rock and roll."

"Don't steal my catch-phrase," Roger shot him a look, "Besides, it'll be easy."

"And what about Maureen, Joanne, and Mimi, huh? What will we do to them? We have to do something that will get back at all of them, not just Angel."

"But we all know she's behind this."

"So? The rest of them helped. I have a plan."

"Oh great."

"Don't be sarcastic! You haven't even heard it yet! We can go over to the apartment where the slumber party is and scare them."

"Scare them? What are you, seven?"

"No. Look, we can bang on the doors and walls and hide and then just freak them out. This is New York, they'll think the worst and be so scared! It'll be hilarious."

"As pathetic as it sounds, I think I am going to have to agree with you. It'd be hilarious to see them scream and run trying to hide."

"Totally. It'll be Epic."

"Okay, Mark, you really have got to stop saying that."

"It will be. Come on, let's go."

"Those girls are going to regret what they did!"

"Pink-a-fying our loft!" Mark scoffed, "How dare they!"

"They will have to clean it up."

"True. But the candles are a nice touch...OW! What was that for?"

"Pink soy candles, Mark? Really?"

"Fine. Come on, let's go get even!"

"Revenge is so sweet!"


	4. Chapter 4, Not Three, Despite The Header

Chapter Three

"That was hilarious!" Maureen cackled as she collapsed onto the couch.

"They deserved it," Joanne said logically, "Oh, I wish I could have seen their faces!"

"I bet Roger's forehead vein was popping out," Mimi giggled.

"So now what?" Angel asked, suddenly bored. They had had their fun, but now there was nothing to do.

"Hmm..." Mimi thought it over, "We could watch a movie."

"Good idea!"

The girls popped in their favorite movie, Sixteen Candles, and made popcorn.

"I still can't believe she actually gave him her underwear," Joanne grimaced, "I mean, honestly!"

"Well what choice did she have?" Maureen asked, "Besides, it isn't like you've never given someone your underwear, right?"

"No," Joanne glared at her girlfriend, "never."

"Oh."

"Have you?"

"Well yeah, it's just for fun though. I mean, it isn't like it means anything."

"Unbelievable!"

"Pookie," Maureen pouted, "Trust me, it didn't mean a thing. Look, if it will make you feel better, I will give you that black leather thong..."

"Okay," Mimi held up a hand, "let's just finish the movie."

BANG!

BANG!

BANG!

Mimi jumped, popcorn flew everywhere.

"What the hell was that?" She asked, clinging onto Angel's arm.

"Probably just the wind, sweetie," Angel calmly pried Mimi's hands off of her, "This is New York. You can't afford to get jumpy over every little...OH MY GOD WHAT IS THAT?" Angel shouted, jumping up from the couch and pointing out the window. There was a man in a scary-looking zombie mask.

"Who's scared now?" Mimi asked sweetly, earning herself a sour look from Angel.

The man in the mask was standing on the balcony just staring at them.

"Oh guys, don't be ridiculous," Maureen said with a flip of her hair, "it's probably just the guys trying to get back at us. Watch this."

Maureen headed to the windows, opened up the one leading to the balcony, and glared right in the zombies eyes.

"Mark Cohen I swear to God, you will die."

He still didn't move.

Maureen was growing impatient. She marched right up into his "face" and shoved him. The body fell backwards onto the ground and lay limp.

She squealed, shut the window, and jumped onto the couch, "That thing was not human!"

"Calm down, _pookie_," Joanne barked, "It was probably just some creepy doll they found. It's just their little way of getting even. We cannot let it bother us. Just sit down, be calm, and watch the movie."

"Fine," Maureen sighed, getting situated.

"Molly Ringwald," Angel sighed, "Most talented gal in the world. Makes me wish I almost had real boobs to do that lip-stick trick."

The girls giggled and Mimi attempted it with her own tube of pale pink lipstick.

She failed miserably.

Just as they were forgetting the zombie outside the window...

BANG!

BANG!

BANG!

"Okay," Mimi held up a hand again, "what the hell do they think they're doing? Are they seriously banging on the walls? That's real mature."

"I can call the landlord," Joanne offered.

"No, that's okay," Maureen launched herself up from the couch, "I will handle this."

"My neighbor's are going to call the cops," Joanne put her head in her hands, "why don't they just give it a rest?"

"Hold on," Maureen headed to the door of Joanne's apartment and swung it open. There was no one in the hallway, "There's no one here, guys. Okay, this is starting to get really creepy."

"I am telling you," Joanne rolled her eyes, "it's just the guys being stupid. Just ignore them and it will be fine."

"Ignore them!" Mimi scoffed, "you're kidding, right?"

Angel grabbed the phone from the table, "I am going to call the Loft and see if they are there. If they pick up, we will march over there and give them a piece of our minds."

She dialed the number.

Ring.

Ring.

Ring.

Ring.

Ring.

Ring.

Speeeeeeeaaaaaaak.

"Roger, Mark, it's Angel Dumott Shunard, and I am just calling to tell you that you're both dead men! Alright, do you understand that? Dead. Dead like...a doornail. Dead like...meat. Dead like...Mark after he's collapsed after a sugar high. Got me? Dead. Dead. DEAD!"

She hung up the phone and rolled her eyes, "I guess we should just get back toatching the movie."

"Good idea. We cannot keep encouraging their behavior," Joanne said.

"Yeah, I guess," Angel sighed, "but it would be fun to get back at them!"

"That's how this whole thing started," Mimi reminded her, "if we just let it go, then we can get back to our slumber party and it will all blow over."

"I guess."

"Look, as much as I want to barge into the Loft kicking ass, I know that this is better. Come on, chica, just watch the movie."

Angel finally gave in. They were about ten minutes into where they had left off, when...

"BOO! I AM GHOST!"

The girls turned around to see someone in a white sheet standing on the balcony.

"That's it. Screw being mature," Mimi flung herself from the couch and stormed out to the balcony, "Look, whoever you are..."

"Boo! Aren't you scared?"

Mimi flung the sheet off and saw Mark standing there. He seemed confused, like he didn't know what to do now that his plan had been foiled.

"Uh...this is...awkward."

"Why don't you just leave us alone?"

"Because you wrecked the Loft!"

"You prank called us!"

"Look," Angel and the others were now on the balcony, "get your crap, get Roger, and leave."

"Fine," Mark sighed, "It was just payback."

"You started this whole mess!" Mimi glared at him, "And we're sick of it."

"Roger is going to kill me. He e keeps saying that we aren't going to clean up your mess and my job was supposed to conivnece you to.

'how's that working out?" Maureen asked.

Mark frowned, grabbed the zombie doll, and headed out the door of the apartment, "I am so dead."

"Not our problem," Joanne shooed him away.

"Damn," she said once the door was shut.

"What's wrong, pookie?" Maureen asked.

"Now I feel bad."

"Don't. They deserved that."

"Then why do I feel so guilty?"


End file.
